i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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