You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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