And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
