Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
