The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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