They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Randomize