So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
