I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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