I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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