also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize