if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize