i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
