She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
