weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
