so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
