How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
