I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
