I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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