Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
