good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
