I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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