every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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