Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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