how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
