I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
