it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
