kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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