when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
