Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
