i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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