thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there's paper in my vomit.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
