If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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