whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
