Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm passing your future prison.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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