i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
