It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize