Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
