i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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