Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
