"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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