Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
