then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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