I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
