9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize