Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
