Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My life is pants optional.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
