Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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