put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
