I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
