Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just tell him i said nine months
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
