i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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