FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize