so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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