I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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