Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
