Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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