I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
