So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
