Please, let me fuck your mom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
