And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
