Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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