Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
