fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i have two assholes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
