Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love you.
Bad choice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
