i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
