if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
