even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
