Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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