Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
