We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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