You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
