i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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