filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
